To the Presumably Male OSU Students Who Broke Into My Car Today

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my poor car window

To the Presumably Male OSU Students Who Broke Into My Car Today:

Hello!

I just want to let you know that I am not angry with you. On the contrary, you have caused me an inconvenience to my day, nothing more. I miss my purse and wallet, but those are just things and can be replaced.  I know you were worried that I would be angry or upset. Believe me, I am neither.

I am presuming that you are 1) male, 2) Ohio State Students, 3) existing the plural for quite a few reasons. I believe that you would be male because when I attempted to recreate the crime by reaching through my busted passenger window to rummage through the center console I could not reach it. Therefore, since I am of average stature for a woman, I will presume that you are have longer limbs than myself and are most likely male. I believe that you attend The Ohio State University because all of the fraudulent transactions occurred within a .5 mile radius of campus and because of a charge for $28.10 to North Campus Commons Dining Hall. I mean really guys…no one eats at North Commons unless they’re a student. You could have at least gone to Noodles & Co and done my card some justice! I believe that there were more than one of you because there were a couple charges that occurred at the same time in two different locations, so unless you’re Hermione Granger and Dumbledore gave you a time turner for classes (in which case, we should become friends), there is no way it is physically possible. Also, if I were going to do something illegal, I would want to do it with a friend so I would at least have some company when we got caught (which I am sure we would since we would probably feel immediate remorse and turn ourselves in — we aren’t very good faux-criminals.)

But I digress.

Anyhow, I noticed that you began your shopping spree at Target! I’ve always wanted to have a shopping spree there so allow me to live vicariously through you! You managed to spend a whopping $921.79 in a matter of 30 minutes over 5 transactions! Congrats! There was one purchase for $386.98…I’m inclined to think that you bought an iPad. Maybe the iPad Mini with 32 GB….Enjoy those 16 extra gigs. They make a big difference when it comes to storing all of your music. You made a couple smaller transactions for around $100, $55, and $100 again…I like to think that your family has a lot of birthdays coming up so you were buying them some gift cards so that they could get what they really wanted for their birthday.

You’re so considerate.

Good for you.

I’ve had my eye on this 32″ Phillips LED Flat Screen TV for weeks now…and what do you know?? I think you bought it today! It’s on sale for $239.99 so with sales tax that works out to be $256.79. And I mean, you’ve been busy up to this point so I know that Wrigley’s DoubleMint caught your eye…it’s pretty obvious that you had an impulse moment and went for a $1.20 pack of gum at check out.

Don’t feel too bad.

We’ve all been there.

DoubleMint calls even to the best of us.

I don’t know about you all but after spending almost a thousand dollars I would be getting pretty famished so naturally I would hit up Wendy’s on High for a quick bite before doing some damage at FootLocker! Wendy’s is getting pretty pricey these days so I’m glad you took yourself out for a treat. I’ve really been wanting a Sweet Tea, Frosty, Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger, and a french fry lately…I bet that’s what you ate. I hope it was delicious!

I also hope you bought your friends a Frosty. It’s tacky to eat a Frosty in front of others without at least offering one to them. But since you were so thoughtful to buy those gift cards earlier, I’m sure you didn’t even offer. You just bought them Frosty’s without a second thought.

Your benevolence astounds me.

After eating a quick lunch, you hurried off to FootLocker to make a couple quick purchases. There’s this really adorable pair of Nike’s that I’m in love with, I bet you knew just the pair they were and bought them for your sister. I’m sure she’ll love them! I bet the other purchase was some Ohio State gear for you and your friends. Wear that hoodie proudly, Buckeye Fan! I’m sure you bleed scarlet and grey and all that.

Another reason, I believe you’re male is that you eat so much! Apparently the shopping at FootLocker left you famished and dying for some…North Commons. While I believe that North Commons is basically the opposite of delicious, you’ve shown to be a group of men with good taste in iPads, fast-food, and top shoe brands, so I’ll trust that whatever meal you consumed was indeed scrumptious.

Any how, by this time I had discovered the charges you and your friends made and the state in which you had left my vehicle, and was in the process of canceling my cards and filing a police report. I wasn’t thinking of you. Or your friends. Or your family’s multitude of late-January and early-February birthdays.

I am sorry.

I pray you’ll forgive my selfishness.

All I wanted was to go home and see my dog and write a paper about justice and injustice. Instead, however, you allowed me the opportunity to practice thinking outside of myself and what stealing my identity meant for you.

Maybe I’m wrong and you aren’t a benevolent, caring, respectable human being who’s at the end of his rope and is just wanting to show his family and friends some kindness.

I am probably wrong about you.

But I hope I am right.

I want you to be all of those because at the end of the day, I like to think that my trials and loss bring about direct good to someone else. I hope I was able to help you in some way today.

You aren’t a bad person, man you stole my purse and wallet today. You just did a bad thing.

I forgive you.

I love you.

But more importantly, Jesus loves you too.

Look on the bottom right of the strap on the leather bag you took, there’s a cross engraved there.

That cross is for you.

A man died on that cross for you, for your friends, and for your family.

He came down to earth and died for people like you and me. Broken people. Separated from God forever.

But because of that cross, like the one on my bag, He died a blameless death for all of the bad things you and I have ever done, or have even thought of doing. And now we can be with God if we choose it.

So, man who stole my purse today, I pray you somehow find this blog (which I doubt you will because it only has 5 followers) and read it, and realize that I am not angry, but that I am hopeful that somehow by you stealing my identity, you might also find your identity in Christ.

Maybe it’s a long shot.

But I have hope.

For God works in mysterious ways.

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